Juggling Embers

How do you warn someone
Before their world crashes
Into tatters in front of
Their disbelieving eyes?

Falling head over heels
Leaves you black and blue in its wake
When there's no one to catch your fall

I'm anticipating the bitterness
Of watching someone suffer
That heartwrenching grief again

Watching the scenes unravel
As I look on in spellbound horror -
Unable to break my gaze

I remain silent as not to betray
The trust of the scheme
Entrusted to my "zipped lips"

It doesn't stop me from hurting
For others who will be broken
For the twisted pleasure of it

Is it my pride or sick jealousy

That keeps me from bailing

From this game of people's hearts?

Heartless

The feeling of regret
Of not being there for someone.
The stench of sadness stained
Almosts

The people I've hurt,
The scenes I've seen
Replaying again and again
In my brain

These are the things that
Keep me up at night

"I really want to"
And "I'll try"
And "I'm sorry I couldn't"
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Smash holes in my confidence:
Tell me again how I don't care
About anyone but myself

It makes my indecision feel
As tangible as the chilled iron
In my chest

Generics

Clean it up
Scrub the edges

Efface the hurt
That looks me in the eyes
Before I wash my face with water
In the mornings

The gaunt eyes,
The moles on my face
And my body;
The scars and blemishes

Splashing hot water,
Waking my tired eyes
From yet another fitful night:
Dreams disrupting my sleep.

I wrap my arms around myself
In the shower,
The ice water streaming down
My face and body like rivers

Someday I'll wash away
All the weakness in my soul